Like the sun, we rise
by AubreyDorst
Summary: Elriel fic. Elain and Azriel create a life and world together and finding out they're more connected than they think. He thought I was the sun, he thought I was life. But he was wrong. I was the moon, he was the sun. I would only glow because he was there, I would only live with him in my life. He was everything good and I would not let him go. And like the sun, together, we rise.
1. Prologue

**Prologue:**

And the sunrise comes and wipes me away,

It takes my soul on a careful flight.

The world lends its beauty for me to keep,

It nestles me close and makes me feel alight.

I look to the sunrise for beauty and love and hope. I see the beautiful colors, vivid oranges and pinks and purples and blues. I see beauty everywhere I look. The sun calls to me, she says "I love you child, you are mine." I feel the wind in my bones, i feel the sun on my face, I feel the earth beneath my feet and I rejoice. The earth sings for me and I sing for it.

I look to the sunrise and i see no beauty, i see no love, i see no hope. I see no beautiful colors, just grays of hundreds of shades. I see beauty only when I look at you. The sun calls to me, she says "He loves you child, he is yours." I feel the wind when I'm in your arms, I feel your strength beneath my feet and I rejoice. You sing for me and I sing for you.

You are my sun, you are my light. How did I not see?


	2. Ch 1: All The Brilliant Colors We See

**Chapter 1:**

The sun slowly rose over the Sidra, casting the meandering water in vivid oranges and pinks. The breeze pushed the smell of the salty water up around Elain as she sat with a cup of warm tea nestled between her cold hands. She cherished her quiet, peaceful mornings and would carefully tiptoe around to avoid anyone knowing she snuck up here every morning. The sun and breeze and sky sang to her in a way that nothing else did, it was something in this world just for her and she would keep it as her little secret for as long as she could.

It took a week of sleeping late in her room at Feyre and Rhys' new estate for Elain to have a vision of a beautiful red and orange sunrise lighting up Velaris, her arms out in front of her holding a steaming floral mug against the banister of the balcony. Once she had snapped out of her vision she instantly went searching through all the empty rooms of the manor to find the same balcony. It only took a few tries to find the guest room on the third floor that had the right view and rod-iron banister she had seen. She couldn't keep a smile off her face that whole day as she waited for it to be the next morning, hoping she would be able to bask in the rich hues. No one had stopped Elain from going to bed straight after dinner, faking a headache to skip off to her room and snuggle into the blankets, wishing for morning to come quickly.

Everyday she snuck up to that same balcony and watched the large yellow sun rise into the sky, painting the city in beautiful warm shades. These moments that took her breath away helped her stay grateful for the life she had been given, and the joy that she found in a world that she had once thought could only hold loneliness and was a work of beauty every time she got to see that sun rise and she knew she would never get sick of the earth welcoming her for another day.

The light scent of orange rose up from her cup and tickled her nose as the warm rays cast down on her face. She desperately tried to push the feeling of dread as far away as she could as she breathed in deeply. Everything felt so right, which also left everything feeling so wrong. It had been years, decades, since her life had last felt so peaceful and happy. Elain could not shake the feeling that sometime terrible was going to happen soon to counteract all the good that had come her way. She tucked the unease tight into her heart where it wouldn't bother her.

The red had turned to purple and then blue and Elain knew it was time to slip back inside before anyone else woke up. She knew that no one would care about her mornings up here but it was her little secret and that made it all the more special for her. This early in the morning the world was hers and no one else's. The sun didn't have any expectations of her, it just rose everyday without fail, smiling it's warm greeting at her.

Elain had the suspicion that the ever-knowing Shadowsinger was well aware of her early morning routine. She wasn't sure how his shadows worked but she didn't expect her brand of stealth was enough to evade the spy master's observational ways. She also realized she didn't quite mind if he knew, his presence was always a comforting one. He was a watcher and she loved to watch him when he was observing others. His eyes would dart around as fast as his shadows and the thin line of his mouth would sometimes shift down into a grimace before flitting back to a straight line. Sometimes she would see a shadow curl into his ear before he would turn and find her staring. At first she would blush and duck away, averting her gaze from his. Recently though, she had held his gaze and found that a smirk would pass over his lips to match hers.

Her slippers lightly clapped over the cold marble as she made her way down the hallway to her bedroom suite, pushing her door o-rn to find her room glowing with the morning sun. Her cup of tea was still pretty full and hopelessly lukewarm as she knocked the rest of it back before slipping the cup into one of her desk drawers. Three other used mugs resided in there and she promised herself she would remember to bring them to the kitchen when she got a new cup the next morning.

The sun filtered through her open windows as she scuffled to the bathroom and filled one of her small watering cans before skirting around her rooms and watering all of her various plants. She was disappointed in the sad looking orchid that Rhys and Feyre had brought her from the Spring Court a few weeks ago. It hardly survived the trip back and even Elain hadn't been able to nurse it back to health. Elain loved her gardens here and couldn't help filling her rooms with various vines and flowers and cacti. Plants that she never would have been able to imagine growing in her father's old estate were in abundance here and she felt like they were her kindred souls. It filled her with love and light to nurture them and watch them thrive, gave her a purpose and made her feel like less of a burden.

Elain slipped out of her room to head downstairs to the dining room for breakfast. She grabbed a pair of work gloves and a light cardigan to get her through a morning in the garden, the early spring air making way for crisp mornings. Her hair was in a tight French braid down the middle of her back but would inevitably be flying everywhere by the end of a hard day in the garden. She stepped through the open doorways to find only Rhys at the table with a cup of coffee and a mountain of paperwork.

"Morning." He grumbled, without looking up from his work as she skirted around the room to make herself a second cup of tea and fill a plate of food.

"Good morning, Rhys."

She smiled across the table at him, cherishing quiet moments like this where the two of them can just enjoy each other's presence.

"Beautiful sunrise today, huh?"

Elain's eyes grew wide as her egg-speared fork hovered in front of her open mouth. "Uhm, I-"

"No need." He said, waving away the excuse that bubbled up in her with a flit of his fingers. His mouth tipped up at one corner even as he kept his gaze on his work. "I won't tell anyone if it's something you wish to keep a secret."

Elain pushed the eggs into her mouth and swallowed loudly, her cheeks and ears tinged in pink.

"You know you're more than welcome to move into that guest room if you like that view so much?" Rhys looked up, quirking an eyebrow at her, "We wouldn't want your routine to be interrupted if we were ever to have guests come and stay there."

A giggle escaped Elain's mouth as a smile danced across her face. "Tosser!"

Rhys pushed a hand against his chest and fiened a hurt expression, "Dearest sister, you hurt me so. I am only trying to look out for your needs and keep you safe from utter disappointment. "

"Don't tell anyone!"

They fell into a comfortable silence as Elain ate, not wiping the lingering smile from her face. She had fun playing with Rhys, and he always seemed to have a good time when they would throw harmless insults at each other. He would raise an eyebrow at her that said, _how else would we keep things interesting my dearest sister, when we have an eternity together._

Sometimes Elain would try to send thoughts or pictures into Rhys' mind to see just to see if she could, to see if he would be on the lookout for incoming messages. She stared at him narrowing her eyebrows, _Did Azriel tell you? Did his shadows see me? Am I the tosser and don't know that I'm super loud and clomping around like an elephant every morning?_

If he heard any of her thoughts he didnt comment, and never had before. Elain figured that meant that Rhys had to be the one looking into her mind to see anything and that she couldn't just toss stuff at him to hear. _My dearest brother, if you can hear me I'll tell you a secret. I find I cannot seem to stop staring at your beautiful shadow singer whenever he's around. _

_Oh that's no secret, Elain._

The sound of his voice in her head almost had her knocking her tea over as she jolted forward, her eyes wide open. They instantly narrowed as her brow furrowed, she crossed her arms in front of her and huffed at him.

_And yes, you were mighty loud this morning rattling those damn teacups before any sane human should be awake. _

She scoffed again, trying to keep the smile that she knew would inevitably bloom across her face. Of course he would be able to hear her and wouldn't say anything until she had made a fool of herself. _Damn bully. _She added before sticking out her tongue and was met with the deep rumble of his chuckle.

Elain always loved to make Rhys laugh and couldn't contain her glee whenever she would brighten his day or make a smile appear on his face. Though he hid it well she could see the darkness that would enter his eyes, the pain and fear he tried to not let anyone see. And like the flowers in her garden, Elain loved to see him bloom. But the laughs and smiles she elicited from him were nothing close to the looks of utter love and adoration that would cross his face when her sister was around. It filled her with such joy to see them so happy and at peace together, fitting into each other like two pieces of a puzzle, gazing into each other's eyes and minds and souls with such abandon. Elain could only wish to one day meet someone who looked at her like Rhysand looked at Feyre.

She had Lucien as a mate but it never seemed the same. She would watch Feyre and Rhys and even ask about their early relationship and it never seemed quite right. Even when they were just getting to know each other there was a fire, even if it was fueled by hatred there was at least some semblance of passion. Her bond with Lucien just felt familiar, but there was no passion between them. Not on her end, and it seemed like not his end either. He had been excited when she had fiened to visit him at the Day Court, they had spent a few days strolling around the markets, peeking over peoples fences into their gardens and dining under the sun. Elain had waited and waited for a strong connection to link them together but nothing seemed to come. Gods, she found herself more connected to the sunrise on the third floor balcony than she was to Lucien.

"You thinking too much?" Rhys asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Her gaze flicked to him and she rolled her eyes, "Thinking of my time at the Day Court. I'm getting low on that lovely orange tea I picked up there when I visited."

"Would you like to go back?"

"I dont know."

"I could have someone else pick some up." He offered.

"Does it make me a terrible mate that I don't even want to visit to get the tea I really like?"

"It doesn't make you a terrible anything, Elain. You can do whatever you want, it's your life. You can sneak onto balconies every day a 4 am for a cauldron-damned sunrise. You can steal as many tea cups as you want and stash them in your drawers. And you can even send my beautiful shadow singer to get you some orange blossom tea."

_Tosser._


	3. Ch 2: Like a Flower, Watch Me Grow

**Chapter 2:**

Elain

The soil squished under her bare feet as she trudged through the newly tilled patch of earth. Fine mist hung in the air, sending trails of perspiration down the side of her dirt-ridden face. It had already been a busy day, barely noon, as Elain started her new vegetable garden out behind the house. She wiggled her toes into the fluffy soil, having discarded her shoes and gloves hours earlier to be able to feel the earth beneath her fingertips. She carefully moved the sprouts from their containers into small divots she made in the earth, driving the spokes deep into the ground next to each plant. It took a few minutes of rummaging through the box of signs to find the wooden post with a small tomato painted onto it. Feyre had asked Elain for a list of all the herbs and vegetables she was going to be planting and made markers for her garden. Elain had to hold back tears when she had accepted the gift at dinner a few nights prior.

Elain huffed and hiked the skirt of her stained dress above her knees to let her legs sink into the dirt as she moved on to the cucumber plants that would sit next to the tomatoes. Her back started to strain and she wiped a sleeve along her forehead before pushing herself up from the ground to stand back and survey the work she had done so far.

While he was extremely quiet, Elain knew the second Azriel had stepped into the back lawn of the estate. She didn't know how but she always knew when Az was nearby, she could feel his presence and it felt like sun shining on her face.

"It doesn't look like much but it will be glorious once they really start growing."

Azriel sidled up next to her, his arms crossed behind his back and wings tucked in tight. "I can already tell." He spoke quietly, his voice always sending warm hot coals into her stomach. "Everything you plant is glorious."

"You are too kind, Az. You should see the orchid in my room." Elain laughs, turning to Azriel with a wide smile on her face. She watches him quietly, the glorious half smile nudging up the sides of his mouth. She relishes the sweet calm that seemed to overtake Azriel whenever he was in her presence and she cherished the wonderful hum that filled her body when they were together. There was something about being around Azriel that made her feel utterly _seen_ in a way that no one else seemed to. He had always been the one to reach her when she retreated deeply into herself and all she could do was hope that she gave him the same sort of reprieve.

"What brings you here today, Azriel?" Elain asks, instantly cringing at how unwelcoming the question sounded, a deep blush blooming across her cheeks and up her neck. "Not that it's not welcome, you know I love having you here - I just - is everything okay?"

A soft smile remained on Azriel's face as she fumbled for words.

"I mean - what do I owe this pleasure, dear Azriel?"

He chuckled lightly, meeting her eyes and then quickly looking away "I hadn't seen you in a while, and I'm always curious about what you're up to here." He rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, shadows swirling around his wrist and coiling towards his ear.

"Well you must come more often!" She beamed, holding out a hand. "Let me show you."

His eyebrows lifted at her outstretched hand and she swore she could see a little blush creep onto his cheeks. The thought sent Elain's mind through a tailspin, Azriel's every action turned her into a pile of goo but she hardly entertained the idea that he would feel something similar. A rough hand slid into hers and Elain fought to keep the beaming smile from her face as she dragged him towards the new herb patch.

Elain watched Azriel carefully while pointing out all the different plants she had planted so far today, making sure to show him the little painted markers Feyre had made. Azriel listened intently, following where she pointed out each section, even though they all looked like measley little sprouts. He smiled and nodded encouragingly, making soft comments when she pointed out a herb or vegetable he was a fan of. She tucked that information into the back of her mind with a soft smile.

"I planted everything I could get my hands on," Elain beamed, "Even though there are some that will surely not survive in this climate. But I will try my hardest to nurture them to success."

"I'm sure it will be splendid, Elain." Azriel replied, gazing across her lush garden with a distant look in his eyes.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, drinking in the sounds of the bubbling fountain and relishing in the comforting scent of newly upturned dirt and the flowers that swayed in the breeze.

"Perhaps you can have a hothouse or greenhouse built." Azriel said, breaking the silence as Elain looked over at him in awe.

"You think?"

The excitement that coursed through her was exhilarating, she hadn't thought of all the possibilities that this new life afforded her. She would feel guilty having Feyre and Rhysand spend money on her but perhaps she could offer some vegetables and herbs for their meals in compensation.

"Or even a conservatory inside, it would be beautiful and functional and you could garden through the winter months." He added, still looking over the garden, red creeping up his neck at her staring gaze.

Elain grabbed Azriel's arm in her hands, the soft black tunic scrunching beneath her dirty palms. Her smile reflected in his warm eyes as he looked down at her beaming at him.

"That would truly be a dream, Az." Elain nodded, turning her gaze back to the garden but not letting go of his arm. The warmth of his skin radiated through her hands and down her arms, hot coals settling in her stomach as they always did when he was around. She pulled her hands away and wiped them across her dirty skirts, hiding the sweat that clung to her palms in response to the contact.

"Would you like to help me? I only have the rosemary bushes left to plant?" Elain asked, walking towards the herb patch and looking at Azriel over her shoulder. "Unless you have somewhere to be, of course."

"No -" he replied, her smile instantly faltering, "I mean - yes I would love to help, no I have nowhere to be."

She gestured for him to follow her to the other side of the patch to the small area of tilled earth that remained. The tray of small rosemary plants was fragrant as she kneeled down and placed it beside her. She looked up at him with a smile on her face as he lowered himself next to her.

"Have you ever planted anything before?"

"I can't say I have." He smiled, looking embarrassed.

"Well it's easy, you all give me too much credit." She beamed, unable to be unhappy in his presence. She felt more like herself when he was around than any other time.

She skipped the shovel and plowed her hands straight into the dirt, marveling at the feeling of it caked under her nails. "So we just dig out a little hole of dirt about the size of your hands cupped together," She explained, "There's a small shovel over there if you don't want to get your hands as dirty."

Azriel ignored the shovel and plunged his hands into the dirt next to her, watching her carefully with a look of utter concentration on his face. She smiled lightly at his ever serious demeanor as she pulled the dirt from the ground and pushed it into a pile next to the hole, "We will need it later to cover up the roots so don't toss it too far."

He gently laid the dirt in a pile as she had and looked to her for further instructions. Her gaze rested on his dirty hands and a smile pulled back onto her features. His shadows excitedly twisted around his hands and she wondered if they had the same personality she projected onto them. She imagined they were excited to experience something new and maybe were even trying to find out the secrets of the little worms that burrow into the dirt beneath his hands.

"I love the feeling of dirt on my hands, it's so refreshing." Elain beamed as Azriel watched her quietly. "So now we cup the roots of these rosemary bushes and carefully place them into the little divots we made."

He followed her instructions carefully, watching her before doing his own. She started down at his scarred hands as she sunk her own into the wet ground.

"Azriel"

His eyes lifted to hers and she instantly blushed, wanting to push down the question that danced at her lips.

"Do you - Can you still feel things as well with your scars?" She bit her lip, not daring to take her eyes of his so she could see the kindness in her eyes.

He looked startled, his hands shooting out of the ground and hovering in front of him as he stared at them. The shadows swirled around them, darkening and moving faster and faster as his throat bobbed with a swallow.

"I'm sorry - I just - I didnt know if this felt the same for you." She gestured to the garden in front of her, the blush on her cheeks deepening as the guilt started to flood her, "You don't have to answer, I'm sorry Az - I didn't mean -"

"I dont know -" He answered quietly, too quietly, his hands still hovering in front of him.

Elain tentatively reached out and grabbed one in her own, pivoting her body towards him. "I'm sorry Az, I shouldn't asked, it was rude of me."

"No." He breathed, his eyes still not reaching hers. Guilt twisted horribly in her gut. She had done it, had finally done something to push him away just enough that she feared he would never come back. He would never kneel in the garden next to her again and freely share smiles and stories with her.

"I don't remember." He said, his throat bobbing visibly as she stared at him. Her breath caught in her throat and she nodded vigorously before he continued, "I don't remember what it was like before."

"Take your shoes off." Elain demanded, standing up and releasing his hand. He finally turned to her, his eyes dark as curiousity shot his eyebrow up. "Come on, Az. Take your shoes off."

He looked at her apprehensively as she pasted a smirk on her face and crossed her arms. Inside she was battling with herself, how could she have been so stupid, pushed him to talk about the one thing that obviously affected him so grievously. He did as she said while stealing glances of her dirt caked bare feet. .

Azriel followed her lead as she stuck one bare foot and then the other into a patch of loose dirt in front of them. He hissed quietly as his feet sunk into the cold earth and she stifled a giggle that bubbled up her throat. Her toes wiggled enthusiastically as she looked over at his feet, squishing into the dirt.

"Isn't it glorious?" She smiled, grabbing at his hand that was closest to her. She couldn't stop herself as she laced their fingers together and her gut jumped a little.

"It's cold." He hissed through his teeth as he turned his head to look down at her. She stared into his eyes, the cold mulch at her feet and his warm hand in hers. He looked down at her and a small smile bloomed on his lips. Her heart leapt and started to beat quickly, which she was sure he could sense since the shadows started to fly faster around his neck.

It grounded her like nothing else had, standing here with him in her garden home, feet in the dirt, hand in his, sun shining on them. Elain beamed up at him, hoping she had ushered away any hard feelings he would have against her, the darkness leaving his eyes slightly as he looked upon her.

"Thank you, Azriel." She whispered, not wanting to break his stare. _Thank you for being there for me, for being my friend, for making me feel like THIS. For being kind and patient and understanding me like no other. _

The words caught in her throat as she looked up at him and he looked at her. And in that moment, everything felt perfect. Like it was just as it should be.


	4. Ch 3: Let the Sun Shine on Me

Azriel

Words escaped him as he looked down at Elain, her gaze sinking into him like an arrow through the chest. He had felt utter shame as she had asked about his scars, not about how he got them like most usually would but if they felt the same as hers. He fought not to stare at her perfect, long, beautiful fingers as they rested in the dirt beside him. Not normal, broken, marred, less than his mind chanted as he stared down at his hands. He couldn't remember, would never know what he had lost when they had melted his hands. How much feeling had he really lost. How much feeling had he pushed away, buried deep within himself in those years in the dark. He didnt have anything to compare it to now. He was utterly broken and he didnt even know how much.

Azriel's shadows had swarmed around his hands, to hide them from view or just simply because his thoughts had been consumed by them.

She had grabbed his hand softly, so softly, and it grounded him in that moment. He could feel her delicate hands on his, he could feel the wet dirt beneath his fingers. He wasn't so much a monster. You can feel, you feel too much he chanted to himself, trying to drive away the demons that latched onto his mind like the shadows around him.

"Take your shoes off" Elain demanded, pulling him out of his own head as she pulled her hand from his and stood up, staring down at him as her bare toes wiggled in the grass beneath her.

"Come on Az, take your shoes off," She repeated, crossing her arms over her chest and smirking down at him. He couldn't deny her anything, not when the shadows flew around his ears, you upset her, she saw your sadness and feels it in her heart.

Elain slipped her delicate feet into the soft soil as he unlaced his own shoes, dirt flecked under his fingernails as they weaved through his laces. He sunk a foot into the soft ground next to her and hissed as the cold hit the sensitive arch of his bare foot.

Elain's toes wiggled wildly in the dirt next to his as her singsong voice chimed, "Isn't it glorious?" Leave it to Elain to bring joy to every little part of life. Azriel could hear in the tone of her voice how much she absolutely adored her time in the garden and wiggling her small toes in the cold dirt.

Her warm hand slid into his, fitting perfectly between his fingertips, sending little bolts of lightning up his arm. And in that moment he wondered how he had ever worried that he last lost feeling in his hands. With Elain, he felt everything, his nerves a choir of electricity as they brushed against hers.

"It's cold," Azriel forced out, his breath no longer stolen by the cold but by Elain's sheer presence.

He stared down at her and wondered how he had ever been so lucky to find her in his life. Her smile was as radiant as the sun, maybe even more so. And Azriel was suddenly hit by a wave of dread, no wonder her mate is the heir of the Day Court, she is the embodiment of light and life. But Azriel pushed down the thoughts, determined to not let his own mind suck him back down into the abyss.

Do you hear that? the shadows taunted, how her heart races when she looks at you.

Do you see that? they whispered to him, how she warms at your touch.

Azriel felt his own pulse speed up in response, as she continued to stare at him with her kind eyes and glowing smile. He willed his shadows away, feeling them brush past as they wisped away.

"Thank you, Azriel." She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

His heart pounded in his ears as he kept his eyes on hers, for what? He wanted to say.

"Thank you." He replied instead, his voice matching hers in volume. "I've never planted anything before. And we used to go barefoot in the mud at the Illyrian camps but never have I buried my feet into dirt for pleasure."

Azriel watched in triumph as a deep blush crept up Elain's neck to her cheeks.

"If you ever need help in the gardens and I am available, I will be more than happy to assist you here." Azriel added, keeping his hand in hers and his feet in the dirt but pivoting his body even more towards her.

"Watch what you're offering!" She teased, her face twisting into a mischievous smirk, "You'll regret it once I really put you to work."

"I'm sure I won't, dear Elain."

They gathered up the tools that she had brought out throughout the day and grabbed their shoes before heading back towards the small shed that was nestled against the house. Her garden really was glorious and Azriel didn't waste a second there as he drank in all the beauty that it offered him.

When he was unable to sleep, or just needed to think, Azriel would come to her garden in the dead of night. The bright moon and stars lit the world, catching the flowers and leaves with a calming blue light. Night always reminded him of different shades of blue, a color he always held to his own heart, the color of his siphons, the color of the midday sky, the color of the calm sea as he flew overhead.

While Azriel was a creature of isolation, he yearned to share those nighttime walks with Elain, wondering what she would look like in the cool blue light among her most prized pieces of work.

The words caught in his throat as he started to pose an invitation for just that. Azriel used the minute that Elain sorted through the shed to compose himself and work up his own nerves to ask her. It was a harmless offer, one he was sure she would accept but he couldn't help but hesitate.

"Elain," he started, trying not to bite back the words as soon as they left his mouth. She turned quickly, her eyes wide and round as she looked upon him. His wings flared involuntarily, casting a light shadow on her. "I must confess, I come to your garden quite often to clear my head, to see the beauty you create. It is a most beautiful sanctuary."

Elain blushed at this, a wide smile filling her face.

"It is most lovely here in the moonlight," he continued, cutting her off before she could reply, "it really is a sight to behold."

"Thank you, Azriel." Her cheeks stained pink as he felt her reach for his hand again, warm against his. The familiarity of the gesture made his heart squeeze as she once again smiled up at him.

"Come walk here with me tonight, I want you to see it for yourself."

She continued to stare up at him, her hand squeezing his lightly. "Okay."

"Okay."

"Stay for dinner first." Elain whispered.

"Okay."

"Okay." She repeated, her hand leaving his as she reached to swing the shed door shut.

Azriel tamped down the laugh that bubbled up in his throat, he had done it, had actually asked her and she had wanted him to stay for dinner too. He had never sought out someone to join him in his alone time, had never wanted to share one of his quiet moments like he did with her.

They made their way to the large kitchen on the main floor and found it absolutely deserted. Elain set off to gather some supplies to start making some semblance of a meal but Azriel quickly had another idea. He stopped her as she struggled to pull a bowl down from a high shelf, grabbing it from her hands and sliding it back into place.

"I have an idea, Elain." Azriel beamed, suddenly flooded with an overwhelming excitement over what had popped into his mind."Let's grab dinner elsewhere, I know the perfect place."

Elain's eyes once again grew to wide saucers, either at his smile or his excited offer to go out, "Okay."

"Okay." He joked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Give me some time to change and we'll go."

A quick nod was his only response before Elain bustled out of the room, her dirt stained dress swishing behind her. Azriel scrubbed at his hands in the sink, coaxing the dirt out from under his nails before making sure the his clothes were clean before stepping into the entryway to await her return.

Azriel had hardly gotten lost in his thoughts before Elain appeared again before him, wearing a crisp baby blue dress and a tight French braid holding back her still wet hair.

"Let's go!" She beamed, gesturing for the door.

Azriel took them on convoluted path, down some of his favorite side streets to the markets on this side of the Sidra. He knew exactly where to find his favorite booth as they wove through the crowded stalls. Elain kept close to his side, her fingers lightly brushing his any time the crowd around them became too dense.

They stopped in front of a table laden with pastries of all shapes, sizes and colors and Elain gasped lightly beside him. An older fae rose from her seat behind the counter and gave him a small bow.

"Spymaster, it is good to see you." She beamed, the slight wrinkles next to her eyes puckering as she looked at the two of them. "Your regular?"

"Yes." Azriel replied, "Double it and add two fruit tarts, two stuff croissants and an extra violet pastry for the lady."

Elain looked up at him with wide eyes as the fae loaded up a box with almost a dozen treats. Azriel graciously took the box and, as always, forced the baker to take the coin she always tried to refuse. He nestled the box under his arm and motioned for Elain to follow him to a different stand.

"That's Hearth." He motioned to the baker they just left, "She's the best baker in all of Prythian and swears on the Cauldron that her mother named her such because she started baking right out of the womb."

Elain giggled at that as they wove through the busy booths. They stopped in front of another stand, completely covered in bottles of varying colors.

"And this is Nem, he makes the best and most interesting teas in all of Velaris." Azriel explained, gesturing to the bright purple bottle that lay right in front of him. "Any preferences?"

"You choose!" Elain beamed, wonder filling her voice as her eyes remained wide saucers, taking in every detail of the market around them. She was a sight to see, her pure wonder and excitement radiating from her like heat from a furnace. His stomach danced at the sight of her and the pure joy she emitted.

"Nem," Azriel inclined his head at the familiar vendor in front of him. "One rosemary rose tea and a lavender mint."

Nem packed two glass bottles without a word and pushed his empty palm out for payment. Azriel tamped a smile down as he reached out his coin, a man of few words, just as he liked it.

Azriel hooked the bag under his arm with the box of pastries and offered his other elbow to Elain, "My lady" he said with a quick bow of the head, making sure he saw the smile that now danced across his lips.

Elain took his arm in hers and followed him through the crowd out into the streets of Velaris, he found them a spot in the sand down by the river that only popped up when the tide was particularly low. He placed the box of pastries and two jugs of tea in front of them as Elain lowered herself onto the ground, her dress fanning around them.

"A picnic." Elain commented, her voice barely a whisper as the words escaped her mouth in realization.

"I hope it's okay." Azriel blushed, suddenly regretting his choice, wishing he had brought her to a restaurant with proper food and wine and chairs and tables. "I should have at least brought a blanket, I'm sorry Elain."

"No" She placed her hand firmly on his arm and he met her gaze. "No, Azriel. This is perfect."

And it was.


	5. Ch 4: Under the Night Sky

Elain

The moon hung high in the sky, casting a blue glow across the sweeping garden. The leaves that usually glistened green in the daylight pressed around Elain in a deep midnight purple. Lightning bugs danced around her and Azriel as they quietly strolled down the stone pathway that led deep into the garden. It was truly breathtaking in a way that you would never see in the daylight.

Her shoulder were wrapped loosely in a shawl to keep away the cold bite that had hung in the air since the sun had settled beyond the horizon. Elain couldn't help the glee that bubbled up in her stomach as she soaked in the mere presence of Azriel beside her. Their afternoon and picnic down by the Sidra had been lovely and exhilarating. Elain had never ventured to the market before and felt a thrill like no other as her and Azriel weaved through the stands and throngs of people, stealing little grasps of each other's hands when the crowd was especially packed around them.

They had sat down by the water, gorging themselves with sweets until they both felt sick and washed it all down with the most interesting tea Elain had ever come across. She hadn't been able to help the laugh that bubbled up her throat when Azriel got a little dusting of powdered sugar on his nose. A wild snort had escaped her mouth and only caused her to laugh even louder, a sense of triumph came over her when she looked up to see a wide smile dancing across Azriel's face. It had taken her breath away, catching lightly in her throat as she stared into his luminous eyes that danced with mirth.

He hadn't taken his eyes off of her when she reached up and wiped the smudge of sugar off his nose, her fingers dancing lightly over his features. But the moment had passed and the two of them had sat contently silent, watching all the people pass them by.

"Thank you for this, Azriel." Elain whispered, her eyes still on the river in front of her. "This city is truly -"

"Enchanting." Azriel interjected, causing her to turn her head and find his eyes locked on her. Her cheeks and neck flooded with heat and she knew she was as red as the strawberry tart they had consumed earlier.

Elain nodded with vigor, unable to form words when Azriel looked at her with such a softness in his eyes. A small shadow danced over his shoulder and curled into his ear before he cleared his throat and started to gather up all of their discarded wrappers and shove them into the empty pastry book.

He had suggested they get going but didn't make eye contact with her as they gathered up all their stuff and left the Sidra and made their way through the city. Elain had convinced herself to not take it personally, he was a solitary creature who was sharing bits of his life with her. A light blush had dusted his cheeks and Elain followed beside him obediently, giving him the space she knew he needed as they wove through the streets and back to the manor.

"You really haven't been down here at night before?" Azriel's sweet voice snapped her out of her own mind and pulled her back into the dark garden they now waltzed through.

A bright flush lit her cheeks, hidden in the soft moonlight that hung down on them.

"I never thought to," She marveled, turning towards him and taking in his dark silhouette, "I would have never guessed it would be this pleasant."

Elain looked at Azriel, knowing he would have a small smile on his face but she was met with only darkness. The moon lit him from behind, catching on the steep curve of the top of his wings and illuminating the tips of his hair in a purple hue.

"Switch with me."

"What?" He chuckled, halting where he stood.

"Switch with me, Azriel." Elain repeated, slipping around him so the moon was behind her and light shone on the back of his wings. He swiveled towards her, moonlight illuminating his beautiful face. "Much better."

He only raised an eyebrow on her, the smile he saved just for her still played on his face.

"I wanted to see you." Elain whispered, lifting a shaking hand up to cup his cheek. His skin was warm on her cold hand and he leaned into her slightly, his eyelids drooping shut for a brief second before she hastily pulled her hand back.

What had gotten into her? Why was she so constantly consumed with the need to reach out and touch him, to hold his hand, to brush against his side as they walked?

Elain cleared her throat and turned back down the path they were taking. She didn't want to push him, didn't want to lose his friendship because she couldn't help her own damn wandering hands and overwhelming feelings. He had already retreated from her once that day and she just needed to get control over her impulsive actions and rolling gut.

Before she could open her mouth to ask the question that lingered on her tongue, Elain was thrown out of the dark and into a bright, warm light. The Sidra sat in front of her, colors of brilliant red and gold danced on the horizon as the sun started to rise. She was, once again, on her favorite balcony watching the sunrise and the day start new. Her arms lay in front of her, forearms rested on the balcony rail and a steaming cup of tea warming her cold hands. The smell of orange wafted up towards her as the sun's rays settled warmly on her face. Her eyes shifted to the left and a pair of scarred hands settled next to her, holding their own cup of steaming tea identical to hers.

Elain was thrown out of the vision as quickly as she was thrown into it and she sucked in a gulp of air.

"Are you alright?" Azriel asked, his voice laced with concern as his hand lightly pressed into her elbow. Elain looked over at him and she was suddenly glad her face was cast in shadows, he couldn't see the extreme blush that spread from the top of her head to the tip of her toes.

"I'm fine." She breathed. He had been there, had shared that sacred space and sacred time with her. It was sealed by fate or destiny or whatever power made her a seer, she would invite him to come watch the sunrise and sip some tea with her and he would. Elain waited for the panic to bubble up in her gut but it didn't. It wasn't such an outlandish idea that she would enjoy having the Shadowsinger share that space and time with her. Her early mornings were her sanctuary, her comfort, it only made sense to invite the one person that also felt like a sanctuary, who also brought her comfort. And he had been sharing his safe spaces with her.

"It was a nice vision." She added as he stood rigidly still beside her. "Just me going about my daily routine. They don't always serve as warnings, some just give me a little hint of what my future holds."

Her future, Elain liked the idea of a future that included Azriel and she almost gasped at the realization. She hadn't imagined any sort of future since she had been thrown into the Cauldron. The idea of immortality scared her so profoundly that she had vowed to not think about the future until she had to.

But a future with him, it did not scare her. No, not in the slightest. Not when it was her choice, he wasn't her mate or someone she was betrothed to because she had to be betrothed to someone. If they were to be together it would be completely her choice. And his. The thoughts flooded her with an overwhelming sense of confidence.

They resumed their walk and Elain watched as Azriel ran a hand lightly over the flowers and leaves that they passed. There was something so delicate about how his fingers flitted across the top of the sweet smelling plants.

"Today was truly lovely, you are a joy to be around." Elain smiled, catching his gaze as it shot over to her and his eyes rounded. A small laugh bubbled out of her mouth at his response, "Is that so hard to believe, Azriel?"

Azriel shook his head in response, letting a small smile tug at the side of his mouth. "You are a joy to be around, Elain."

Elain pivoted her body towards him and pulled his hands into hers. She held them against her chest and she swore he would be able to feel her heart thundering under his hands. Kiss me. She wanted to say. Dance with me in the moonlight in this garden with the stars watching us. Stay with me, for now, forever, I don't care just stay.

The words stuck in her throat as she looked up at him. Moonlight danced over his face as his dark shadows twisted quickly around his neck and down his arms towards her cold hands. Azriel's breath seemed to get caught in his throat and an emotion she couldn't place flicked through his eyes, he quickly pulled his hands from hers and stepped back. Dread filled her gut and her empty hands dropped to her side.

Elain turned back towards the flowers at her side and started walking again, hoping he would continue on with her. What was wrong with her? It was the second time within the hour that she had pushed herself on him. Why was she acting like a love sick fool? Was she a love sick fool?

Azriel's almost silent footfalls sounded behind her as she continued down the stone pathway that wound through the garden. He had told her he comes here to think and be alone not to be touched by her. Elain pasted a smile on her face and turned towards him, hoping he wouldn't see the hurt of his rejection reflected in her eyes.

Elain looked over at him, so beautiful, with his wings tucked tightly behind him and a grim line set into his mouth. Ask him to join you for the sunrise. You saw the vision, he has to say yes. But she couldn't, couldn't get herself to say the words, to face the rejection that might come.

She pushed the thoughts aside and instead lowered her eyes, grumbling out a "Goodnight, Azriel." And darting back towards the house, leaving him alone in the gardens.


	6. Ch 5: In my Heart, You'll Be

Azriel

Elain had left so quickly he could hardly even reach a hand out to brush her arm before she fled back to the house. He had been dumbstruck and had to bite back a curse that played on his lips. He had ruined it, of course, in the way that he always did. There had been such a longing in her gaze and thundering in her heart that it had flayed him open, his heart feeling like it had been cut open with a hot knife.

Azriel had pulled back out of her grasp in shock and had paid the consequences. A hurt look crossed Elain's face but had quickly been swallowed and replaced with a fake smile that was so easy for him to see through. He had been momentarily shocked by his own effect on her and hadn't even the time or thought to form the words to get her to stay.

Earlier he had easily melted into her embrace as she rested a hand delicately on his cheek, holding him like he was a flower in her garden. And Azriel couldn't stand to see his own lust and longing reflected in Elain's eyes. He couldn't handle the emotions that flooded him, unlike anything he had felt in his hundreds of years.

Go to her his shadows whispered, swirling around his neck and tickling his ears as they spoke to him. She craves your presence and we crave hers.

His mind was a war zone, his heart pulling him in her direction while his feet were rooted in place. He could do this, he was a ruthless tool of war. Azriel was sure he could survive a thousand years on the battlefield, but the battlefield in his mind and heart could be the one to kill him. Elain was everything good and Azriel had stopped expecting anything good in his life a long time ago.

Your heart beats for her, master. The shadows compel you.

The garden loomed around him, cast in rich blues and purples under the brilliant night sky. This was his place, his solace, but it started to close in on him. Elain wasn't with him and it suddenly didn't seem right anymore. The place he escaped to for solitude suddenly felt too lonely. She had warmed the air, his soul, his heart, and he had let her run off without explaining himself.

Azriel knew if he didn't find her tonight things would carry on as they always did. Elain had that way with her, never one to bear grudges or to hold hard feelings too close to her heart. But Azriel didn't want to pretend like tonight didn't happen. He wanted to explain, to fight, to beg, to do whatever he could to get her to look at him like that again.

The wind shifted around him, rustling his wings before he pulled them in tighter and drew a deep breath. Azriel steeled himself for the task ahead, his stomach in knots and shambles unlike he had ever felt before. It was just Elain, sweet caring Elain. He had faced demons of all shapes and sizes, he could do this.

The arching entryway to the manor loomed in front of him, his feet making only the softest sounds as the world was silent around him.

The High Lady waits just ahead in the hallway, she wishes to speak with you.

"Feyre," Azriel spoke, bobbing his head in her direction before she had a chance to emerge.

"Az," She responded, a small coy smile playing on her lips. "When I saw a certain sister fleeing the gardens this late at night I had a haunting suspicion you wouldn't be far behind."

Azriel let a scoff escape his lips, knowing she wouldn't admonish him for it. Azriel knew he was lucky to have a High Lord and High Lady who acted as a family to him, there was great freedom in being able to speak your mind within your own court. And they were a family, in every way that mattered.

Feyre's expression softened as she moved closer to him, placing a warm hand on his upper arm. He felt a familiar tap on his shields and he nodded towards her before lowering them. Feyre knew him, understood him enough to know that sometimes he couldn't bear to hear some things out loud.

Azriel, you are strong and caring and worthy. You must not get in the way of your own happiness, you deserve this. Let your heart lead you, you are a kind soul whose love for others knows no bounds.

Azriel nodded, his eyes still on Feyre as she looked upon him with such love and faith. She speaks the truth, his shadows whistled as they looped around him. He had already decided that he would find Elain, would explain himself and get her to listen. But to hear his friend, his family, speak of him, to him, so lovingly and without restraint,

Azriel knew he could do this. Felt it deep in his marrow, he would make it right. He wouldn't lose Elain, never. He couldn't lose her, not as a friend, and maybe he could even gain pieces of her. Could he let love consume him? Never in his life had he loved freely and without restraint, but he could do this. He would do this. For no one, if not for her.

His Elain.

But she wasn't his. She wasn't anyone's but- Lucien. The word echoed through his mind and trembled through his body, leaving an ice cold feeling in his veins.

A deep frown rested on Feyre's lips and Azriel realized he had spoken Lucien's name out loud. She shook her head, eyes still locked with his, "Azriel, no. It is her worry, not yours. And she does not appear worried about Lucien, only, it seems, about you."

He nodded, unable to stop the dread that seemed to pool in his gut.

"She deserves a choice, Azriel." Feyre added, "And if you can give her nothing else, you can give her that."

Could Elain love him, all of him? Could she accept every broken and ugly piece of him and still love him? Azriel didn't know, couldn't know. And he never would know, not if he didn't give it a chance if he didn't try. Azriel had always stopped himself from really taking a chance with Mor, happy with the friendship she had given him all those years and afraid of the inevitable rejection that would follow. He couldn't lose his friendship with her, it would have been painful and devastating. But with Elain he was already feeling that devastation, it wracked through him every time he pushed away his feelings. It beat in his core like it never had with Mor. And he knew it would hurt, terribly, if she rejected him if she didn't want this. If she didn't want him. But he knew, he knew, that it would hurt more to not try, to live his life wondering what could have been. Azriel would wonder what would have been, should he not do this.

Soft footsteps alerted him to Feyre's departure and he watched her retreating figure before she turned a corner and disappeared from view.

She was right, he needed to give Elain a choice, he owed her that. She had to know, he had to tell her, to give them both the chance of discovering what they meant to each other, what this could mean for them.

Azriel clenched his fists at his side and pulled nervously at his sleeves before taking a deep breath and striding towards the hallway that held Elain's chambers. His fists clenched and unclenched as he tried to fight the panic that settled deep in his gut. He was going to do this, he was.

Before Azriel even had time to get a grasp on himself, he was in front of her doorway. One of his scarred hands hovered in front of the wide double doors that led to her room. He felt a tug pulling him towards it, towards her and he wondered if she felt it too.

His fist balled up and before Azriel could thrust it towards the wooden door, it swung open by itself. Elain stood in front of him, eyes wide as she took him in.

"I thought you were there." She whispered, the words just barely escaping her mouth. So she did feel it, she knew he was there. Azriel gulped, unable to form the words that wrestled to break free. She was so beautiful, the light casting a warm glow on her soft features. Elain didn't look mad or upset, and he wondered if she even could. He found her incapable of malice, but would she forgive him so quickly?

Elain stepped to the side and motioned for him to enter her room, her understanding eyes piercing him, seeing all the things he couldn't say. Or at least he hoped. But hope wouldn't cut it, he needed to know, needed her to know. He had to say the words, had to tell her what she meant.

She closed the door behind him as he took in the room around him. It was so very her. There were flowers and ferns and cactuses littering every countertop and lining the walls. Her balcony doors stood wide open, letting a slight breeze flutter through the room. Candles flickered throughout the space, leaving it in an orange glow.

"Elain, I-" Azriel started, turning towards her. Elain fidgeted in front of him, her hands crossing in front of her body as her shoulders seemed to curve inwards. He hated seeing her like this, he had done this. She looked sad and uncomfortable and it was all his fault. The lump in his throat seemed to multiply and Azriel could choke on the guilt that filled him from head to toe. He couldn't tell if she was upset because he had pushed her away or if she felt uncomfortable in his presence now that he had made his feelings for her so abundantly clear. His mind screamed at him that it was the latter but his heart burst at the idea that she wanted this, wanted him.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

Elain cut him off as he struggled for words, "No Azriel, I'm sorry. I crossed a line-"

"No, Elain." He was a skilled interrogator, had spent most of his life compelling people to talk, to trust him or to fear him. And now, here, with her, he could hardly form the words that rattled through his mind. "You didn't. It was me, I-"

Azriel swallowed harshly, trying to push down the lump that had formed in his throat and had halted all the words that fought to get out. Her deep brown eyes stared up at him, a small smile on her lips as she let him fumble for the words.

Azriel took her hands in his, his rough, scarred flesh caressing her delicate hands. Small calluses had started forming on her hands, multiplying as she spent more and more time tending to her garden. Azriel looked deep into her eyes, trying to convey the feelings that words could not. Her hands shook in his as he glanced down at them and grasped her a little tighter. Azriel pulled Elain's hands up to his cheeks and guided them to cup his face. Her calluses scraped across the light stubble that speckled his cheeks and jaw and a shock of electricity shot through his body, leaving a humming sensation deep in his stomach. Elain's thumbs stroked his cheeks, eliciting a sigh from his mouth. His eyes snapped shut and he let himself melt into her embrace. A small gasp escaped her lips and Azriel's eyes shot back open. She was looking at him like no one had looked at him before, her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were lined with silver.

"Elain" He whispered, her name tasting sweet on his tongue. It danced through his mind like a question, a prayer. "Elain" Azriel repeated, unable to stop his eyes from flitting down to her lips.

Elain's tongue darted out of her mouth and wet her lips, causing him to look up and lock eyes with her. She was so beautiful, and she was here standing with him with that loving look in her eyes.

Azriel wanted to capture this moment forever, to cement it in his brain so it would never leave. Whatever happened next, wherever their paths would take them, he would never forget how she looked in this moment. Azriel would never forget how he felt in this moment and, gods, did he want to kiss her.

"Sweet Elain," He said, unsure what he could say to convey to her what he was feeling right now, right here at this moment. "You make me feel alive."

Azriel saw a shadow dart from his shoulder to her ear and his brows drew in confusion. A soft gasp escaped her mouth and he could have sworn his shadows had spoken to her. But they didn't, they couldn't. They had never whispered to another soul but his own, not in his hundreds of years.

Elain pulled her hands from his cheeks and his stomach instantly dropped and twisted in anguish. His own hands dropped to his side from where they had been resting on hers and he fought the urge to cross them behind his back and hide them from her. But he wouldn't, not from her, never from her.

A small smile tugged at her lips as she reached down and grabbed them in her own, pulling one scarred hand to her cheek and the other to rest on top of her quick beating heart. His own heart raced in his chest and his breathing became shallow, this moment, this feeling was something he would chase after for the rest of his life.

And when Azriel thought his heart couldn't pound any harder, Elain wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him towards her until their lips met.

Azriel's eyes fluttered shut as Elain kissed him, claiming his entire soul with her lips.


	7. Ch 6: Shine Like the Star You Are

Elain

He wants to kiss you the shadows whispered to her, pulling a gasp from deep in her throat. Elain didn't know that the shadows could speak to anyone but him, and by the way that Azriel's eyes darted to the shadow hovering at her ear, she figured maybe they didn't.

He wants to kiss me. He wants me to kiss him. Elain had felt it, had known it, but to hear it said to her so plainly, from the shadows that danced around him and lived within him.

Elain slipped her hands from his cheeks and saw his smile falter slightly as his hands dropped beside him. He wanted to kiss her and had just told her she made him feel alive. She could barely keep the smile off her face as she grabbed his hands and pulled them towards her. Elain brushed one of his scarred hands on her heated cheek and rested the other on her erratic heart. He made her heart sing and her mind race and she was going to kiss him.

Do it they whispered, sending a slight chill down her spine as the shadows grazed her sensitive fae ears.

It was all the encouragement Elain needed before she pulled her hand away from Azriel's and grasped the back of his neck. His body loosened at her touch, allowing her to pull him down towards her. Elain met him halfway, balancing on her toes as their lips connected. It was fire and ice and every single feeling wrapped into one. Elain had never felt anything like this before. She had shared a chaste kiss or two with Greyson but nothing like this. Azriel deepened the kiss as a small moan escaped Elain's throat.

She had moaned, from just a kiss, and her cheeks and neck flared a bright red. She made to pull away from him in embarrassment but Azriel had used the slight opening of her lips to slip his tongue against hers. It was electricity and euphoria and Elain swore she could take flight in that moment.

Azriel's wings shook out and wrapped around her, pulling her in tight as her arms constricted against his neck. She was gasping for air, not wanting to break away from him long enough to gulp in a breath. Azriel pulled away and peppered kisses along her jaw, nuzzling into her neck and breathing in her scent. Elain's hands fisted through his silky hair, trying to find enough purchase to pull their bodies even closer together.

To her dismay they broke apart, still only inches from each other's faces. A small laugh escaped Elain's lips, brushing her own hot breath against Azriel's neck as his fanned against her cheek. She pulled back and stared into his eyes, they were deep pools of hazel that flared with warmth and desire.

"Azriel." Elain gasped, still feeling breathless as she drank him in. "Do it again."

A wide smile tugged on his lips and Elain felt even more breathless than she thought possible. He was stunning, absolutely beautiful. A ray of sunshine in her dark world, a patch of cool shade on a blistering day. And in that moment, Elain knew, he was everything.

He pulled her in for another kiss, the claws at the top of his wings pushing into her back lightly as she melted into him once again. This was the world, her life, all experiences both good and bad wrapped into one. Her heart tugged in his direction and she felt connected to him like she never thought possible. Azriel was her world, he was the center of it. He was the sun, the earth and she was a moon, orbiting around him with nothing to hold her to this world except him.

"Elain," Azriel groaned, resting his forehead against hers. He was breathing heavily and his eyes fluttered shut as he repeated her name Elain.

She hummed in response, adoring the way her name sounded coming out of his mouth, echoing through her in his deep rumbling voice.

"Tell me this is real, Elain. Tell me I'm not imagining this."

The disbelief in his voice made her stomach tighten up and her throat constrict. This was everything she wanted, every wish she ever had come true. Could it be the same for him? Had he been thinking about this, wanting this just as much as she did?

"This is real. I'm me and you're you and we're here together and it's perfect." Elain whispered, pressing a light kiss to his nose, his closed eyes, his cheeks. "This feels so right, Azriel."

Elain stepped out of his embrace, her heart pounding and her head feeling light. She looked up at him and couldn't keep the smile off her face. He was radiant and he didn't even know it, couldn't see himself the way she saw him. His smile mirrored hers as his eyes stayed wide in wonder. Elain's hands reached up and touched his face, cupping his cheeks lightly. She couldn't stop it, would never get enough of him, could never get used to the fact that she could do this. He was here, and he wanted this as much as she did.

"I want to fly, Azriel."

"What?"

"Let's go somewhere. I want to fly with you, Azriel." She beamed, hope filling her chest. "Right now."

He looked taken aback but nodded quickly. He grasped at her hand and tugged her onto the balcony that led out of her room. The feeling of his hand in hers took her breath away. Just earlier that night she had been stealing small grasps of his hands at any chance but now she could do this always, could hold his hand while walking around Velaris, could reach out for him under the table at family dinners. She wanted this, wanted him, and she hoped he wanted her, to be with her. They had kissed but did it mean anything to him? Elain couldn't imagine that Azriel would just kiss her with no regard to what it meant to her. But she had been the one to kiss him.

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his embrace as he shot off the balcony and into the skies. His wings beat loudly behind them, booming in time with her heart. The night air was chilly but his body was radiating a deep warmth. Elain threw her head back, marveling at the bright stars that glittered above her.

She would never get used to how brilliant the night skies were here. It had taken months for her to realize that nights in this court were more breathtaking than she ever would have imagined. It's the night court, Elain. Nesta had chided her, rolling her eyes like she always did. But Elain still didn't appreciate it as much as she should have, she loved her early mornings too much. She had made a habit of going to bed early to be able to watch the sunrise, so it was rare that she basked in the shining stars. She needed to see this more often, needed to bask in the twinkling lights that shone a thousand times brighter than anything she saw back home in her youth.

Elain turned her focus to Azriel's face and found him staring at her, his eyes bore into her soul and made her heartbeat quicken. A small smile lifted up a corner of his mouth and Elain knew he heard the change of rhythm. She was glad, was glad for his Illyrian instincts. He deserved it, he deserved to know what he did to her, what he made her feel.

"You take my breath away." Azriel said, leaning in close to her so she could hear him. His words tickled at her ear and made her cheeks bloom a bright red. Elain nuzzled into his neck, pressing a kiss to the rounded top swirl of his tattoo.

The words fought to get out of her, and she wanted to say it. She wanted to offer herself to him, to be his and for him to be hers. She didn't know how he would respond, what he would want but she couldn't wait any longer to find out. They had kissed and it had been perfect. She had taken a risk and she knew, she just knew, that she had to take a few more tonight to keep him by her side. Elain needed to know this was real, needed to know they wouldn't go on tomorrow as if nothing had happened.

"I want to be with you, Azriel. In whatever way you'll let me, for however long." She replied, hoping he heard her over the beating of his wings.

"Elain," He whined, a shudder passed through his body as he pulled her even closer to him. "Do you mean it?"

Elain nodded, not knowing how to really express how much she meant it. "With everything I am, Azriel. I am yours."

His breath caught and his wings stilled for a second, sending them plummeting through the air before his wings snapped back out and buoyed them. She should have been scared but she wasn't, she felt safe in his arms, protected. A small giggle bubbled from her lips and she pulled back to stare at him. "Do you believe me?"

Azriel nodded quickly, his eyes staying locked on the horizon. She wanted him to look at her, to lock eyes with her and get lost in them. But Elain knew he wouldn't do that, she could see the tension that had built in his shoulders the second he had lost focus and lost height. He wouldn't be distracted again until they had settled back onto her balcony.

"Let's go home." Elain suggested,"I want to kiss you more."

Azriel huffed a laugh and let his eyes flick over to meet hers before focusing back on the sky. He tilted his wings to the side and sent them looping back around towards the manor. His wings beat even louder and they seemed to dart through the air quicker than she ever had before. A smile bloomed over her features at his urgency and she didn't stifle the giggle that burst forward through her lips.

She wouldn't hold back, not with him, not now. She would wear her heart on her sleeve and let her emotions flow freely. He was perfect and made her giddy and she wanted him to know how happy she was around him and how comfortable she felt in his arms and under his gaze.

Azriel's wings snapped in tight and he landed loudly on her balcony as a little yelp escaped her lips. He held her close, not putting her down right away as she stared up at his face.

"Hello."

"Hello, Elain."

A yawn escaped her mouth and she cursed herself, she didn't want this day to end. It had been perfect, more amazing than she ever could have expected when she woke up. A day in the garden had turned into a whirlwind romantic night and she didn't want to say goodbye. Would she wake up tomorrow and have it all be a dream?

Azriel caught her sleepy exhale and pulled out of her grip. "I should go."

"I'm not tired." Elain whined, pushing her lower lip out in a pout.

Azriel chuckled quietly and grasped her hands in his, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles. "I'll see you tomorrow, Elain."

"Stay with me tonight." Elain whispered, reaching a hand out to graze his as he pulled away. "Please we can- we can just sleep."

It wasn't proper, no, not at all. But Elain wasn't that girl anymore. She had left that life long ago and no longer wanted to be back in it. She wanted this, to be here with him at this moment. To say farewell to all the rules and boundaries that had swarmed around her and choked her. Elain could be something, something great because she was here with him.

"Are you sure, Elain?" Azriel asked, an apprehensive look on his face.

She smiled at that. Azriel, her Azriel. A zing of pleasure shot through her body at the thought. He was hers, for as long as he wanted to be. And she was his, for as long as he would allow her to be. She had never felt anything like this, this want and need for him to be close by.

"Stay."

Her hands were still clasped around his and she could see the hesitancy in his eyes as he searched her gaze for any doubt.

"Please."

Elain watched Azriel's throat bob as he swallowed and nodded at her, their eyes locked together. She let a smile overtake her face before she pulled away and padded over towards her dresser to get some nightclothes.

When she emerged from her bathing room, Azriel was still standing in the same spot, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

Elain slowly approached him, grabbing his arm and tugging him towards the bed. His cheeks were flushed in red and he looked down at his flying leathers and back at her.

Azriel unclasped the hooks on his thick armored jacket and pushed down his dark pants to reveal some thin long Johns and a short sleeve black shirt. Elain gasped slightly at his uncovered arms and she realized she had never seen him in anything but a long sleeve shirt. In all her imagination she always thought that his burns were localized to his hands, but now looking at him she saw that they swirled and snaked up closer to his elbows.

Azriel winced under her critical gaze and she forced her eyes to soften with warmth. He was beautiful and perfect and she had stupidly let her anger show through her eyes.

Elain's heart lurched as she realized he might mistake her fury with fear. She reached out and grasped his hands in hers, sliding them slowly up his scars to cradle his elbows.

"You are perfect." She hummed, pulling lightly on his forearms so his thighs rested between her legs as she sat on the bed, looking up at him. "I see strength and anger and hurt and it does not scare me. It is beautiful."

Elain pulled her legs up and pushed into the bed, scooting to the side to make enough room for his large form. She looked up at the ceiling and counted the seconds, hoping he would join her but still unsure if he would want to.

Azriel slid into the bed beside her, his warmth enveloping her. Elain turned onto her side to be face to face with him, she wanted to fall asleep looking at him. She wanted to dream about him. The moonlight that flowed through the window cast a sliver of light across his face. He was here with her and they had kissed.

"You're beautiful" Elain breathed, barely able to keep the words inside of her for more than a second. "More than beautiful. I can't find the words- You're so much more."

Red splotched his cheeks and the tips of his rounded ears and a sigh escaped Azriel's mouth as Elain captured his lips in hers. She couldn't get enough, wanting to feel him, to taste him.

"Elain" he breathed, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. It felt so right, it all felt so right and easy and they fit together like puzzle pieces.

"Elain, I get nightmares." He whispered into her skin, hiding his face from her view. He sounded ashamed and regretful and Elain knew this was the reason behind his hesitation tonight, why he was so insistent that he not stay here.

"Azriel," She whispered, cupping his face in her hands and maneuvering them so she could look into his eyes. "Oh, Azriel."

Azriel's eyes were downcast and it made her heart ache with guilt. He looked at her and it was like a knife cleaved into her heart. His emotions had always shown through his expressions but this was a new kind of vulnerability for him to show her. She had never seem him look like this, like he was bracing himself for her rejection.

"It's okay," Elain whispered, tracing a finger across his forehead and down the side of his face to stroke his cheek. "I get nightmares too."

Azriel closed his eyes and hummed lightly as he snuggled in closer to her and settled down to sleep in her arms.


	8. Ch 7: In the Morning Sun

Azriel

Lying in bed next to her, Azriel was sure it all had to be a dream, all a cruel never ending dream that he would eventually have to wake up from him. But it wasn't. She had held him all night, held him in a way no one had ever held him before. He had settled into her arms so easily and slept like a dream with her wrapped around him.

When he had fantasized about it he had imagined her small body curled into his strong arms, he never imagined that she would insist on holding him. Her delicate arms had wrapped tightly over one shoulder and under the other arm, her hands resting lightly on the inked skin between his wings. Azriel had tensed slightly when she first pulled him towards her but he quickly sunk into her embrace. He rested his head on her chest and felt her chin rest lightly on the top of his head, with a few kisses being pressed into his ruffled hair he fell into a deep sleep.

Yesterday had been unlike any other. Possibly the best in his immortal existence. He had forced himself to go to her garden to see her, not wanting to intrude but needing to be there with her and look at how it had ended. Azriel felt the need to pinch himself to know it was all real. They had laughed and gardened together, explored Velaris together, shared dinner, shared his sanctuary, kissed, flew together and slept in each other's arms. All in one day. One day. It would take a miracle for him to have another day as perfect as that one. He had approached her, rather nervously, in the morning and had ended the night with her declaring she was his. His. There had never been anyone he could call his, not really anyone he had wanted to call his as much as he did with her. She made his heart sing, made him feel like he could leap out of his skin with joy.

He waited for the dread to overtake him, for the fear to come plummeting in at full force. He could lose her, he probably would lose her. But the terrible feelings that usually plagued his mind would not come. She had scared them away, had chased away his fears and his nightmares, if just for a night.

At some point he must have drifted back to sleep, lulled by the sounds of her rhythmic breathing and the feel of her chest rising up and down. A complete sense of comfort cocooned his body and his soul and rest found him quickly.

The sky was still dark but had started to lighten up as the morning approached. Elain stirred in bed, waking him in the process. She opened a heavy eye and glanced out the balcony at the sky beyond. She was absolutely stunning, soft golden brown locks strewn across the pillow, long eyelashes fluttering as she blinked away her sleepiness. She slipped from the bed, pulling her arms from beneath him and padded over to where a few long nightgowns were hanging off of unlit sconces. His wings felt like they were on fire, a streak of electric feeling lingered where her hand had grazed them lightly when she pulled away.

Elain grabbed two of the plush robes, sliding her arms into the shorter of the two and padded back over to the bed where he lay watching her. She thrust the other robe in his direction and quirked an eyebrow. She didn't mean for him to wear that, did she?

"Come on," She sang, her sweet voice cleaving straight for his heart and sending it galloping. "We have somewhere to be!"

Azriel stopped the streamline of questions that fought to escape his lips as she threw the robe at him with a giggle. He slipped into it, surprised at how comfortable the soft material was and how easily it slid onto his rather large arms. His wings were pressed against his back by the warm fabric but it actually felt nice, like a soft hug from behind.

He sheepishly tied the waistband around his middle and met her delighted stare. Azriel's cheeks flamed in embarrassment but the feeling was tamped down by the utter look of adoration that filled Elain's gaze. She was radiant, cast in the same blue glow that she had been in the dark nighttime garden. The sun wasn't even up yet but Azriel could care less, hardly even wondering where they were going at this early hour.

She held her hand out towards him and looked overjoyed when his own scarred ones stretched out to meet hers. He didn't deserve her, didn't deserve the shining light that she was, but she made him feel worthy. She made him feel like he did deserve her, like them being together was the most natural and perfect thing.

They swept down the hallway and down the stairs until they stood in the deserted kitchen below. Elain filled a kettle with water and placed it on top of the still burning hearth.

She gathered two cups and rifled through a drawer before she emerged with a tin can that held some tea.

Azriel held back by the door, watching her dart around the kitchen with precision. Did she do this every morning? Don a robe and make herself a cup of tea before the first slices of sun even reached the horizon. She was beautiful and ethereal and moved around the kitchen with such ease it took his breath away. He was here with her, waking up and starting a day together like they had done it a thousand times before, and he hoped they would be doing it a thousand times more.

When the water had boiled and she had finished filling both cups with the steaming liquid, she turned towards him with a smile on her face. Her smile faltered as she looked down at his scarred hands before offering him his own cup. His gut dropped at the glance, she was hesitant and probably was imagining the horror that accompanied the scars on his hands and arms. She hadn't balked from his destroyed forearms the night before, but he couldn't help the dread that pooled within him. He was damaged, mostly inside, but his scarred arms were there to show the world how truly damaged he really was.

A meek smile crossed Elain's face as she met his eyes, like she could see the war that raged inside his mind. She found a small tray in a cabinet and placed the two teacups on them before approaching him again. Elain looked up and into his eyes, capturing him with her gaze. She squeezed his arms lightly with her soft palms and ran her hands down his arms to grab his scarred fingers. She pulled his hands towards her mouth and kissed him lightly on the knuckles before pushing his fingers open to plant a kiss on each palm.

Azriel's heart started pounding in his chest and his breath got caught in his throat. She was so kind and delicate and strong and he could die from her loving looks and her sweet gestures.

"Let's go." Elain said, grabbing the tray with both hands and pushing the door open with her hip before Azriel followed her into the hall. He kept a few paces behind her, watching her robe billow behind her as his own green floral one flowed behind him. She kept turning her head towards him, stealing small glances and showering him with small loving smiles. Her cheeks heated a light pink every time their eyes met and he could drown in the image of it.

Silence fluttered around them like an old friend, and Azriel wondered if he had even said a word since they woke up. He felt so comfortable with her, only needing a look or a quick brush of the hand to let her know what was in his heart. Elain understood him like no one had before and it felt like his heart was connected right to hers.

She stopped in front of a large door in one of the corridors that held most of the guest rooms. Feyre and Rhys had built a manor big enough to hold them all plus a few more, dreaming of a future with kids and extended family and a life where they all kept close by.

"You showed me the garden at night, the place you escape to when you want to be alone. You shared a part of your beautiful life with me. This is mine." Elain said, gesturing towards the closed door with a nod of her head.

Azriel took the hint and pushed the doors open to reveal an empty bedroom. Elain pushed past him and made her way onto the balcony that led from the bedroom where a single chair and small table sat facing the Sidra.

The first sliver of sun had started to rise above the horizon and the sky was already painted a light orange. Elain placed the tray down on the table and grabbed a mug with both hands, gesturing for him to take the other.

"You come here every morning to watch the sunrise?" He asked, smiling down at her as her face was lit by the bright morning glow, the smell of oranges circling around them from the steam that wafted up from their mugs.

She looked at the single chair and frowned, "Sorry, I only have one chair, I didn't think I'd need another."

"It's okay, I don't mind standing." He replied, stepping forward to take the other cup of tea, nestling it in his hands as he set his elbows on the balcony ledge.

"Okay," she whispered, sliding up next to him and setting her own arms down to brush against his.

A small gasp exited her mouth and she looked over at him with wide eyes, as she looked between his hands and hers and the sky beyond.

"My vision!" She whispered, excitement and wonder filling her voice.

"The vision you had yesterday?" Azriel inquired, remembering her distant look in the garden the night before. Elain had left him for a second before she had returned to the present with bright red cheeks.

Elain nodded, turning to place her cup of tea down on the tray before bringing her hands to cover his. They stood facing each other, holding each other's hands and his cup of tea between them. She had foreseen this, had known that one day she would share this with him, that she would invite him into her most personal space and time. Was that why she had kissed him? Was that why she had been unable to stop touching him, grazing his hands with her fingertips, cupping his cheeks and staring into his eyes?

"I'm glad you're here." Elain said, looking back towards the glowing landscape. It was truly beautiful and he understood why she was gravitated towards this spot every day.

"I want you here, Azriel. I didn't do it just because of the vision."

He gulped down a sip of tea and nodded, unable to meet her eyes. She had guessed his insecurities and had put them to rest without him even having to say anything, without having to feel anything for her to know. It terrified him and exhilarated him how easily she knew him and how quick she was to ease his worries. He could grow used to being with her so quickly, could fall head over heels in a blink of an eye. She would be easy to love and hard to lose.

Azriel still couldn't figure out why, didn't understand how she could want to be with him. He didn't know what he had done to deserve her, to be here with her in her sanctuary. Things felt so right and so easy, could she be feeling the same way? Was it really that simple? Did she also feel unworthy of him? It couldn't be. She was perfect, she was everything.

A light kiss pressed to his cheek brought him out of his thoughts and he wrapped an arm around her back, pulling her closer to him.

"We both deserve to be happy."

She had said it as such a matter of fact that Azriel believed her. He believed her and held on to the idea, tucking it tight into his heart. He did deserve to be happy, didnt he?

Elain squeezed his hand and pulled him off the balcony, leaving their tea and the sunrise behind.

Azriel let her pull him through the house, basking in the feel of their hands twined together. A pulse of energy thrummed through them, connecting their hearts and souls.

Elain led them to her bedroom and grinned at him broadly before dropping his hand and disappearing into the bathing room. She appeared with a watering can and Azriel watched her move around the room, watering the various plants that littered her large bedroom. It was like a dance and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She moved with such grace and tenderly touched the flower buds as she passed.

Her energy was palpable and Azriel couldn't help but bask in it. This comfort and ease that he felt with her was like a balm on his burdened soul.

Elain turned to him suddenly and her mouth formed in a perfect "o". Azriel was taken aback for a second, turning to see if someone had entered the room behind him, even though he knew he would have sensed it.

"Your shadows!" She exclaimed, pulling his focus back to her face. "Where are they?"

As if she called them forth, his shadows swirled around him wildly. She asks for us, she craves our presence. Azriel startled at the realization, he had willed his shadows away all day without thinking about it. The thought of them never crossing his mind as they had spent a whirlwind morning together.

A small giggle escaped Elain's mouth and she threw a hand over it. She pulled her hand away and mouthed a Sorry as she watched the shadows swarm around him with a sheepish smile on her face. Azriel responded with a shy smile of his own.

Your souls call to each other. You are well matched.

He willed the shadows away, swatting at the ones by his ear playfully. Elain's eyes lit up as she watched him, pure adoration painting her features.

"Let's do something today!" Elain beamed, her cheeks blooming a bright red as he couldn't keep the smile off of his own face. What was she doing to him? So much had

changed in one day. Could it all be real?

"If you have nothing to do, of course. I don't want to get in the way of your duties to Rhys and Feyre." She added quickly, the red of her cheeks creeping down her neck.

"I will always make time for you, Elain." Azriel replied without hesitation, the conviction in his own voice surprising him. He meant it, he would prioritize her. She lit up his world and made his heart soar. He would never be used to the feeling of her eyes on him, the small smiles and affections she afforded him so freely.

Elain gathered up the clothes he shucked off the night before and playfully tossed them his way. Gods, she was so lovely and carefree, he could stare at her all day. Maybe he would.

She grabbed a dress from one of her drawers and pushed her way into her bathing chamber with a wink in his direction. He couldn't stop the blush that bloomed across his cheeks. Azriel always assumed her to be shy and meek and he couldn't keep the smile off his face as she shared this playful side with him. She was bashful but didn't balk from him, not anymore. She was beautiful and a treasure trove of surprises, never ceasing to send his heart galloping.

Azriel slipped on his flying leathers, making sure all the various clasps and buckles were secure before he fanned out his wings and pulled them in tightly. He twisted and stretched his wings, pulling the muscles in just the right spots to relieve the aches that had settled into them overnight.

Elain leaned against the door and watched him silently, her eyes tracking the movement of his wings. Azriel preened at the approval in her gaze, unable to stop the instincts that overtook his body in response to her watchful eyes.

Their eyes met and they shared a bashful smile as Azriel held out his hand silently. He loved this, this ease that hung between them. He felt so confident with her, like he didn't need words to express himself. She just seemed to get him and it warmed him from head to toes.

"Why the sunrise? Why choose that as your escape?" Azriel asked, their hands swinging lightly between them as they made their way down the wide hallway towards the dining room.

"It's so beautiful," she breathed, "It's the one constant I can depend on. No matter what changes, no matter where life takes me there will always be a sunrise to see. No matter the pain, the happiness, the fear, no matter what, the sun will always rise."

It would, he would make damn sure that the sun always rose for her. And when it wouldn't, he would be her sun. He would make the sun shine for her, Azriel would tear apart the world to make sure the sun shone for her for the rest of her long life.

The Dawn Court. The thought hit Azriel like a punch to the gut. Someday he would take her there, find a quiet place to stay with beautiful views where they could bask in the morning sun together. If Elain thought the sunrises in the Night Court were breathtaking, Azriel could only imagine the look on her face in the brilliance of a Dawn Court sunrise, lit in reds oranges and golds. He could picture it as vividly as one of her visions.

It took his breath away. He could picture it so easily that he could hardly swallow around the lump that formed in his throat. There it was. A future. With her. And he would do everything he could to make it real.


	9. Chapter 8: A Moment By Your Side

Elain

Azriel's smile was radiant and Elain could not stop staring at him. She knew she would never see a sight as enchanting as the one before her. They sat in a sunny patch of the garden, birds chirping excitedly around them as the sun warmed their bodies

Bread and fruit and leftover baked goods from the day before were strewn across the soft blanket they sat on. It was perfect. Azriel's wings were spread out lazily behind her, the deep black leathery material absorbing the light. And when she thought he wasn't looking, Elain snuck glances behind him at his breathtaking wings.

He was incredible, sculpted from pure power. He belonged in a museum. And he was herespending time with her.

Doubt troubled Elain throughout her life. She had always been treated as if she was lesser than others, more foolish and terribly naive. But she wasn't. Well, at least she didn't think she was. But no one seemed to listen to her so why should she even listen to herself?

Azriel changed that. He made her feel heard, made her feel seen. He always had, from the second she had met him, no matter how scared of him she had been. He had honed in on her, not because he wanted something from her but because deep down he understood her like no one had before.

And here he sat, bringing such joy and light into her life. He was the sun, and all she could ever do was eclipse him. And she would, she would revel in the selfishness of it. Elain would block the entire world from his light just so he could shine on her.

Elain lifted up a hand, pushing it into the soft wisps of dark hair that fell lightly on his forehead. His eyes met hers and she felt invincible, like her body and soul could float away on a light breeze.

"Why are you smiling?" Elain whispered, moving her fingers down to trace the curve of his lips. Azriel had always seemed closed off, guarded and safe behind his fierce gaze and pinched mouth. He had always lowered his shields for her, letting her in like she was the one thing that could make him feel better. But Elain had never seen as much brightness from him as she did these past few days. She had thought he had let her in before, but this, this was it.

"You." He replied, his words soft and silky and warm as they settled into her soul.

Elain beamed in response as both their cheeks became dusted with pink. Azriel tilted his head to the side and stared at her. Just stared and stared. She could have stayed with him like that for hours, just looking at each other and smiling because they could and wanted to desperately .

"Why are you smiling?" Azriel asked, resting his hand on top of Elain's.

"You."

Azriel's smile grew and Elain could live in the warmth of his gaze for the rest of her long life. Things were different now, and she felt incredibly lucky to be thrust into this world that wasn't her own. She would forge a new path, she would leave behind all her doubts and troubles and leap into this fresh new future like it was meant just for her.

Elain had seen the awakening in Feyre, saw her go from a mere traveler of their troubled world to a fearless explorer who knocked down walls and created paths where there were none. Elain wanted that, she wanted to be that too. And Azriel did that for her, her made her feel like she could conquer the entire world and everything in it.

And maybe she could.

Nesta would have scoffed at her, insisting that Elain could have done it without Azriel, and that she was a fool to depend on a male for her happiness. But it wasn't like that, Azriel didn't make her feel like she needed him to be incredible, he just saw all the incredible parts of her that no one else had shown her. And she knew she could live an extraordinary and long life without him, but she wanted him there. Elain wanted to share it all with him, every smile and frown. She wanted to cry with him and laugh with him and spend their never ending days in each other's arms. She wanted to explore this incredible world in the way she had never been able to as a human. Elain wanted to go to all the places she's never seen before and see every plant and creature that the world had to offer. And she would do it in his arms, for as long as he would have her.

The unending happiness threatened to sweep her up and take her away and Elain let it, she let it consume her with giddiness.

"Thank you." Elain breathed, placing a soft kiss on Azriel's cheek.

"For what?"

"For letting me in." Elain replied, her hand lifted up and hovered in front of his chest right over his heart. "For making me feel strong."

Azriel pressed a hand over hers and pushed her small hand into his shirt. She could feel his heart thumping wildly under her fingers and it made her want to fly. It all seemed like a dream, an impossible bout of happiness in their crumbling world.

"You are strong, Elain." He declared, his voice a fierce whisper. "You are strength and goodness. All of it."

She let the words sink into her skin, let her heart absorb the words and the wonder that laced his voice as he looked at her. As he looked at her with those eyes, pools of never-ending warmth and coldness. Fear and happiness, love and hatred, dark and light, frigid cold and searing heat. It all lay there, in his eyes and in his heart. And Elain saw all of it, she saw every broken piece of him and she loved it. She loved it with every single part of her. And she knew that he saw her, all of her. Her hurt, her shame, her happiness and optimism and all the dark crevices of her soul. And she hoped, oh Cauldron, Elain hoped that he loved those parts of her too.

In the shining sunlight, warming them through and through, Elain snuggled back down on the blanket. She pushed into his side and melted into him as those warm, muscled arms wrapped around her and pulled her even closer to him.

This was peace, serenity in an unfamiliar world that grew even more comfortable with every passing moment. It was times like this that Elain wondered. She wondered about the tapestry of the world, the threads that connected everything together. She wondered about all the hurt and suffering that Azriel had experienced, all the bad and the good and the horrifying bits of his world and her world. Was there a meaning behind all of it? Was there a destiny so predetermined that everything led them to this place in the world? And even though Elain was a seer, there was still uncertainty in her mind. The future seemed to be set in stone, parts of it at least, but the rest- Was the rest just floating particles in the air? Falling wherever they could? Or was it all fated? Did they even have a shred of control over their futures? They must. They had to. But she thought about all the things she would change. All the parts of her past that she would take away or do differently. She thought about all the hurt in Azriel's past, all the dark parts she would fill with light. Elain thought about Feyre and Rhysand and Nesta and Cassian and the world that hung so heavy over all of their heads. And those bad moments, those kernels of their lives that were laced with hatred and fear. They were still a part of that tapestry, they were a thread woven into time and fate and if she could take them away. If she could pull out the darkness, what would it look like? What would be left?

"What's wrong?" Azriel mumbled, his warm breath tickling her ear and sending an unbearable heat coursing through her body.

"Nothing." Elain mumbled, nuzzling into his embrace and letting all her thoughts fall away. "Everything."

The future would work itself out. It would. Elain knew it so deep in her bones that it would all be okay. Eventually. So she forced herself to let it all go, to see the good in this moment, in this day.

"You don't have anything to do today?"

Azriel turned onto his side, propping his elbow up and resting his head on his hand. He peered down at her and lifted an eyebrow in question, "Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Yes!" Elain exclaimed with a giggle, sticking her tongue out at him and rolling her eyes. "All I want is for you to leave. I've been waiting days for you to get a hint."

A flicker of fear flashed through his eyes before it was quickly replaced with warmth and light. Elain's gut twisted as she watched his thoughts pour over his face. He heard her joking tone but he must have been thinking about what it would mean if she was serious. What went on inside his mind? She knew his wounds were deep and porous and dug so far into his soul that she would spend the rest of her life pouring out love and hope to fill them. Before he could worry or wonder, Elain launched herself onto him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly, burying her face in his warm throat. "I meant," She breathed into his skin, "Do you need to leave me or do I get to keep you again today?"

Her words were muffled and pushed into the crook of his neck as she settled deeper into his embrace. Azriel's arms had wrapped around her automatically, a cocoon of comfort to her soul.

"Right now. Today. Tomorrow." Azriel breathed, "I don't want to be anywhere but by your side."

The words left her breathless, left her weightless and boneless. His every action, every sigh and smile and blink seemed to ignite her soul and turn the air into hot lava. It burned her eyes and her nose and her throat and Elain stopped trying to fight the tears that flooded her vision. She didn't care, didn't give a lick if he saw the emotions playing so plainly over her face. She wanted him to see it all, every little bit of her aching soul. It was all she could give him, honestly, truth.

Elain held his gaze, conveying her every thought and feeling through her eyes. I don't want to be anywhere but by your side, dear Azriel. You light up my world.

His answering smile was everything that words couldn't say. It was light and life itself. And Elain felt so special, so incredibly lucky that he saved those smiles for her. Azriel bestowed that joy on her, saved it just for her.

Suddenly, her beautiful perfect gardens weren't enough. The city beyond the manor walls called for her, screamed for her hasty arrival.

"There's so much of this city that I haven't seen. So much that I want to experience." Elain said in a rush, unable to hold the thought inside of her for more than a second. "And I want to explore it. With you. Now."

Azriel's eyebrows shot up in surprise before a smile bloomed over his handsome face. He held out a hand to her as he raised himself onto his feet, his wings stretching out behind him and contracting quickly. "Shall we then, my dear?"


End file.
